it was a fear that settled into satiation like kneading air bubbles out of dough.
that eroded to apathy, then barreled into frustration.
which transmuted into another kind.
lascivious contact, sheets inescapable as quicksand--
i tried to retrieve you.
yelled at a mute huddling at the bottom of a well
only to be met with my own vociferations
that snuck through my tympanic membranes.

needless frenzy. air vents blew warmth into
the enclosed December chill near the ceiling.
(most of us look up to that comfort
and heat rises)
diffused into acceptance.
which caused an overjustification of my
argument.
I lost the case in the end.

that gush of relief that overtook me
the tourniquet lifted, my accomplishments
deindividualized, yet anomalous.
then ladder rungs. up up up
with all my green amorous intent.
I've never been reflective enough to
play up all those spotlights.

then all our doors were agape.
conversations fell. acid rain.
indecisive footing and traveling hands.

in that place I keep returning to.
where temptation hangs out in the circles
that line the fingertips running over me.
and i am so very flawed.
but let's muffle our egos for just this minute
it is so easy to let go
with your hand over mine.

each an oar I cannot retain
for only one stroke.
so I rotate one direction
and back again

floating, at least.